Chapter 81: Because Of Me

Okay, I'm keeping this short. College classes have officially started for me. Don't know how often I'll get to update, but I still really enjoy doing this, so I'm not quitting now. Ehh, it's a short one. but it's all I had time for tonight, honestly. I can only hope to be able to post more soon after things die down a little bit.

Geno's POV

I force myself to put one foot in front of the other until I get to the elevator. Luckily, nobody is inside to watch my mini-break down. I lean back against the elevator wall, my head slightly tipped back, my arms completely slack by my side, and I just sit there. I don't press a single button to make the elevator move, I don't pace. The only movement in the small area is the steady rise and fall of my chest, the movement that indicates that my heart is actually still ceasing to beat. Otherwise, I would have been totally convinced that it was obliterated into a thousand pieces.

I continue to stand there, completely motionless, but it's as if my mind is doing enough movement to compensate for my lifeless limbs. The second a memory of Ty finally escapes my every thought, another one comes rushing in, taking its place and making me remain motionless, almost as if making this elevator move is the final straw, the last bit of closure, ensuring that I actually went through with it, and I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

But then, the memory of Ty lying in that hospital bed, bruised and battered and crying because of me comes into my thoughts, and then my emotions change, and I get angry at myself for all of this. She was at the arena because of me, she was found because of me, and now she's hurt by yet another person; because of me.

I let the first tears fall from my eyes; the ones that took everything to hold in while in front of her, trying to put up a tough front, watching her eyes change from shocked, to panicked, and then to hurt all while telling myself to suck it up. I knew deep down that this would be the hardest part, that after this everything would be smooth sailing, but now I know that that was the most idiotic thing I could have ever convinced myself of. Sure, that was hard as hell, but living every day without her couldn't be better, and it probably wouldn't get any better as time went on either.

A year ago, I would have never imagined it possible to hurt this bad because of another person; at least not at the thought of waking up without them in the morning. Waking up alone is the ideal situation for the classic party boy; it means not having to deal with the person lying next to you, an awkward phase completely avoided because they were just interested in sex just like you were. And before Ty, you probably couldn't have convinced me that sex was any different with a random chick than someone you loved. I probably would have told you that sex was sex, no matter who you were with.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

I never thought I would ever get in this deep, to the point where I actually, sincerely care about what someone else is feeling or wanting. At least not on this level. I would move mountains for Ty if only it was under my power. All of this is what lead me to this conclusion of leaving her; because I had to do what was possible and what was under my power. And yeah, it hurt me to see her sad eyes pointed in my direction, but things have to get better for her. She will forget I even exist eventually.

All this thinking has my head spinning, making me ball my hands into fists in frustration before pounding them against the steel elevator walls, using them as leverage as I push off of them, the pacing finally beginning. I punch the button for the elevator to move, needing to get out of this place before I go running back to her side.

The elevator door opens, and when it does I don't expect to see what I do. Max and Kris are both standing there, looking at me intently. They look from my hands that are still balled into fists by my side and then up to the way I know my jaw is clenched and then realization sinks in for both of them as I see both of them sigh and their shoulders drop, almost in unison.

I walk past them, noticing Kris whipping out his cell phone before they both rush toward the elevator, no doubt going to Ty's aid.